What did you do to Bella?
by BerryBella
Summary: EMMETT!" I yelled "What did you shove up her nose?" Her hair was dyed a horrendous electric blue with iguana green stripes. Oh my god. "And WHAT did you do to her hair?" Funny! R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't even know why I'm writing this. It does look more professional though...**

**A/N: This is just a cute little story that I wrote to lighten up my mood, it can be funny if you want it to be. Basically, everyone's gone hunting but Emmett. It's probably going to just be 2 or 3 chapters. Enjoy!**

Plop.

A mass of unknown mush is basically flung at my tray by the lunch lady. I knew I should've brought lunch today, this thing probably is older then I am. I grab an orange and head over to pay. Emmett's laughing by my side, looking at my lunch.

"Bella, even I know that's disgusting." he chuckled.

"That'll be 3.00." the lunch lady says in a bored voice.

I reach for my wallet, but Emmett first hands the guy a bill.

"Emmett! I can pay for my own food." I protested.

"You don't have any money in there Bella, Alice told me you left it at home." he said in a matter-of-factly voice.

"Very funny, I'm not taking a 500 dollar bill." she said.

_500 dollar bill?_

"Why don't you put it in her account? I assure it's an authentic one, I bought about 40 of them from some collector dude." Emmett said.

She grunted a yes, and waved us on. Emmett and I walked to where the Cullens usually sat, and he had some explaining to do.

"Why did you pay him a 500 dollar bill? Now I owe you 497 dollars, what the heck Emmett?" I asked, while poking the brown lump on my plate. I swear to god it just twitched. I think I'll just eat the orange.

"Bella, Bella, Bella." he said while waving his finger. "I actually don't know, I just lied to the dude, but what's ours is yours to share. Besides, Edward can make that much in an hour by stripping."

WHAT THE?

Suddenly, the orange piece in my throat was stuck, and I couldn't breathe. I put my hands around my neck to show a very scared Emmett that I was choking.

"I was just joking Bella!" he cried as he walked behind me and hit my back.

It was still there. I bet my face was purple now, I couldn't breathe. A huge blow struck my back, and out flew the piece of orange. Ow, Emmett hits hard. Look at the pretty stars....

**Emmett POV**

Oh my god.

I just knocked Bella out. Edward is totally going to rape me when he comes back.

Bella's head was lying on the table, and her eyes were closed. At least she wasn't choking. As I poked her cheeks, I realized that everyone was staring at us. I stood up.

"Bella was choking, so I hit her, and apparently I hit her too hard, so she's unconscious right now." I said calmly while shrugging. I don't think they were convinced, but people started to look away. Wow, that was really awkward.

I grabbed her by the waist, took her bag, and just walked out. It was kind of like holding a rag doll, she was all limp and her hair was falling forward. Maybe I'm holding her wrong, oh well. Bella was so light that I suddenly wanted to throw her in the air and catch her again.

My phone ringed, and I flipped it open.

"Hello?"

"Emmett, if you even TRY doing that, I'll burn your stash of Hannah Montana CD's under your bed, AND, I'll tell everyone about your guilty pleasure of humping pictures of the Village People." Edward said menacingly.

Wait, how did he know about that?

"I didn't hear the magic word did I Ed-"

"EMMETT!"

"Okay! Jeez. Seriously, don't tell anyone that." I whispered.

"Just keep Bella alive, and I won't." Edward snapped, and then he hung up.

When I got to the nurse's office, the lady stared at me as if I was a something to eat. Gross, she's like 70, and she's wearing a hot pink jumpsuit with green circles sewn everywhere.

"Hello, there. What's your name?" She said slowly as she tried to push her saggy boobs toward me. "How may I help you today?"

The grandma was licking the top of a pen and twirling strands of badly dyed blond hair around a finger. Hahaha, she's a pedophile, just like Eddie.

"Well, my _girlfriend _here fainted. I think she needs to lie down, and I should go with her." I said.

She immediately straightened up, stopped licking the pen, and almost looked disappointed.

"3rd door on the left." she muttered.

After I carried Bella to a room and she was lying down, I got bored, like really bored. I'll look through her bag.

A few moments later, I found myself looking at a leather bound notebook. Mostly, Bella just talked about Eddie, school, her family, and us. I still don't get how he can spend 8 hours just watching her sleep.

There also was a little bag that looked liked a pencil case. Inside were plastic tubes, I think Rosalie told me that they were tampons. She wouldn't tell me what they do, and told me 'to figure it out myself.' Huh, wonder what they do. Tampons. That's a funny word. Tampons, tampons, tampons. I need a life.

It took me about 5 minutes to learn how to open it, and in the end, it was just a little cotton thing on a string. Bella stirred, but still didn't wake up. I stared at her nostrils, and immediately it all came together. I opened two and shoved one up each nose. _Wait, my vampire instincts are telling me that something's not right. _Oh, I get it. I pulled it out more so all of the string was out of her nose. This didn't look very comfortable, Bella looks like a weirdo.

So bored. Suddenly, I thought of the most brilliant idea ever that would leave Eddie speechless. MUHAHAHA...... I truly am brilliant.

**A/N: Cliffie! Want to see the next chapter? REVIEW!!! I take anonymous reviews, so please, click the little button, and we'll all be happy. Besides, I'm not posting the next chapter until I get 20 reviews. Muhahaha... I truly am evil.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. **

**A/N: Finally! The second chapter to this completely random story is here! I didn't really feel like writing it until today, so sorry for the suspense. This chapter is weirder then the last one, if that's even possible. Review! (Also check my other stories, not all of them are on crack like this one.) **

Edward POV

My god, Emmett is the weirdest person I have ever met, I saw Alice's vision about Bella having tampons up her nose, but I decided to save my yelling for later, who knows what he's done to her by now.

"Should we be getting back now?" Alice asked.

"Yeah, I'm done hunting." I said eagerly.

_I wish I could see what Emmett and Bella were doing now_, thought Alice.

"You can't?" I said worriedly, he could be making her drink beer and dying her hair orange for all I know.

"Well, the sight of tampons up Bella's nose kind of gave me a headache, and I can only see Mike Newton hitting on Jasper next Monday." she chuckled.

"WHAT?" Jasper yelled a couple of hundred yards away.

Maybe Mike Newton was just as weird, I hear him the other day thinking up weird fantasies to lure Jasper into his house and so on. I didn't really want to tell Jasper that.

"Oh nothing..." Alice said mysteriously. "I'll explain it to you later, let's head back first."

I decided not to wait for my siblings and just go ahead without waiting for them. The wind whipped through my face, and I almost felt alive sprinting through the forest. Running also helped me block out other people's thoughts, sometimes I really wish I couldn't hear them.

As I ran toward Forks, the sky slowly started to get darker, and the few rays of sunshine that were present before disappeared. I passed Bella's house and realized she wasn't there, so she was probably with Emmett at our house. I ran up to the door step and opened the door. It was locked. I just took a stick and tried to pick the lock, since Esme would—

"WAIT! EDDIE! HANG ON A SECOND; I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU! DON'T OPEN THE DOOR YET!" Emmett screamed.

I thought about ripping the door off, but I decided to wait, Emmett sounded pretty desperate. He knew if he hurt Bella, I would tell everyone his little secret. Still, I decided to peek into his mind.

_I like big butts and I cannot lie, those other brothers' can't---- crap, this bra is too tight, no!!! Eddie can hear me and I haven't even got Bella ready yet. _

What? I quickly pick locked the door, and opened the door.

Wow. This was the surprise? Emmett was in one of Rosalie's bikinis, hot pink with yellow stripes, and a brown wig. Not like I haven't seen this before. Where was Bella? I couldn't really smell her scent, probably because of the amount of perfume Emmett put on.

"So Eddie, you like?" he said, attempting to be seductive as he walked over, hobbling over some high heels he stole from Alice.

I laughed, and he took that moment to shove me into the wall.

"What the ---?" I said.

His face was inches from my face, and he was smiling. I was faster, but Emmett was always stronger then me.

"Just wait, Edward, you are in the surprise of your life." he chuckled.

"Where's Bella?" I said while trying not to laugh, I can't believe I almost forgot about her.

"Find her Eddie-poo, this is revenge for all those years you took advantage of me and my karaoke machine..." he grinned mysteriously.

I had to keep staring at his face; I refused to look any lower then his waist level.

"You are such a weirdo, does Rosalie know about this?" I said while running about the house looking for Bella, Emmett following me as he ripped off the heels.

Suddenly, I had her scent, in the garage. Why would Emmett put her in the garage? I kicked open the door.

I will never leave Bella with Emmett, ever again.

"Bella! Are you alright?" I said as slow as her ear would allow it.

Her hair was dyed a horrendous electric blue with iguana green stripes, and lying in a mountain of red stuff. Ketchup. Bella was wearing one of my boxers and a shirt with my face on it, one he took years ago when he forced me into a blond wig. I would never move again.

Bella immediately started laughing and rolled over on the ketchup, her pretty laugh filling the garage. Then I heard annoying clicking sounds as Emmett walked into the garage too.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" I screamed, I didn't usually use swear words in front of Bella, but when she wasn't there I swear like there's no tomorrow. It helps control my anger.

"Calm down Eddie!" Emmett said while laughing "It's just a joke."

Bella tried to stand up, but the ridiculous amount of ketchup made her slip, I ran over and caught her. She hugged me, and I got soaked in ketchup as she laughed again.

"C'mon Edward, it was a joke. You're always so serious, so I agreed to play a prank on you with Emmett. Well no, he forced me, or he was going to tell you--- uh, never mind." she said.

"What?" I asked, since I couldn't read her mind.

Emmett grinned an evil smile, and opened his mouth.

"No!" screamed Bella as she ran over to knock Emmett down.

I walked over and kicked Emmett before Bella was going to get knocked out. I couldn't help but notice how cute she looked in my clothes, technically underwear... You're such a creeper Edward.

I walked over and grabbed Emmett by his hair, and on the way, Bella's bag. Bella was running as fast as she could, but the ketchup was pretty slippery. I hope her hair wasn't permanent...

"I'll come get you later Bella, I need to do something to Emmett first!" I said.

Bella nodded as she went back to play with the ketchup again, I think he kind of messed up her mind...

Emmett whined as I tugged harder on his curls as we sped to the front door, I opened Bella's bag and saw her box of tampons. I would be so embarrassed going through her bag, but I really needed the tampons.

"Hey, bro, what are you doing?" he said cautiously.

"Wouldn't want anyone knowing that you hump pictures of the Village People do you?" I said as I shoved a tampon up each of his nostril.

Emmett pouted and just let them dangle out of his nose, while still wearing his stupid bikini.

At that moment, everyone else got home. Everyone looked like they just swallowed a rock.

_Does he have no shame? _

_Jeez Emmett, in Rosalie's clothes again. _

_What? Those are my shoes, wait till I get my hands on him. _

_Oh dear._

Then, Carlisle spoke.

"Emmett, why did you steal my bikini?"

**A/N: I couldn't think of anything else for the ending, so tada! :D This chapter kind of came from one of my dreams, I had a swim meet, and they had mashed potatoes instead of water. Review (even if you hate it)!! I know it was a really stupid story, but hopefully it was fun to read. **

**BerryBella**


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